I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Go christen that room with your naked body.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
