god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
