yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
