She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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