3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
