i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
