the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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