Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
