Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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