sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
