Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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