we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
