opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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