...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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