Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
