Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
