This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
