i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dick very happy bro
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
