I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
