i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
