What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
