I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
