I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
