She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They are going to name an STD after you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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