I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
