franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
