Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
