I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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