i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
