Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
