You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
