Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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