Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
