I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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