you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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