I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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