Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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