Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
