where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
