Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
