nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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