Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
