but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone elseās panties
No one knows. This doesnāt happen to normal people.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the brideās sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groomās cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
