I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
