i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
