I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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