How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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