i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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