only if we run a train.
done.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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