So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I want is dick and wine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
