There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
