you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
