Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
