You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
